Why I Am Not Ready for a Second Baby

Once Ford turned one-years-old, the questions started coming in. At first, they felt like a small nudge. Always along the lines of, “are you ready for another?” or “Ford is one now, time for number two!”

I know that these comments come from a good place. I know that our son brings our family members, friends and our own family so much joy. But why… and when is it okay to start questioning a mom about growing her family? For me, one-year felt too soon.

And I felt so.much.guilt for not being ready.

At one-year, Ford still wasn’t sleeping consistenly as he “should” be. At one-year, I was still only 1.5 months in from weaning breastfeeding, which meant my body was still not fully adjusted. I was still feeling my body get back to normalcy or whatever that “new normal” would be. At one-year, I was still learning how to create a schedule that balanced quality family and productive work time and getting comfortable with all that goes into being a working mom…and even dealing with the guilt I sometimes felt for having our son in full-time daycare even though I work from home. At one-year, my marriage was still getting to a place where we were learning how to co-parent and find time to focus on ourselves individually and together as a couple. We still hadn’t had a long weekend away or vacation together, just the two of us. There was so much that had happened in our first year of parents, that the one-year mark felt like an incredible celebration, but also a blur.

There were so many things, emotions and experiences that still felt very fresh and oftentimes challenging for me at one-year. While that one-year mark was such an emotional and incredible feeling - because we did survive (and thrive) as a new family of three, but the thought that we now had to start again and add another baby to the mix felt overwhelming.

I have to preface this post…I feel so thankful that having Ford was a choice that we were able to make. I am so thankful for a healthy pregnancy, the opportunity to have healthcare and a safe environment to deliver our son and to go through the first year journey of motherhood with support and love from our friends and family. I am so, so thankful for all of that and know that is not always the case. But that does not mean that I have to make a decision based on what anyone else believes is the right time to grow our family. And not one based on what others share or are doing. That doesn’t mean that the one-year mark is always the right time for everyone to start again, even if it is a blessing for so many.

I am not ready, as of one-year, to grow our family.

I am not ready for reasons that may seem selfish to others. I am not ready for reasons that you may not understand or experience. I am not ready because I am still connecting with my son in ways that may have happened differently for other parents. There are so many reasons for why I am not ready.

And I want you to know, that if you are in this same place as me…it’s okay.

If you aren’t in the same place as me, that’s also okay!

For all the amazing mamas or mamas-to-be…

I know so many of you are growing beautiful families of your own or already have multiple children. Please know that I am truly SO excited for you in your journey. That is a blessing. And I will genuinely cheer you on! I know that one day I will have the strong desire that I once had when we 100% knew we were ready for our first to grow our family. I think that is the beauty of motherhood. You always have a gut instinct that you have to follow.

Just know that whatever your timeline is - or maybe you don’t have one at all! - there is no right or wrong answer.

You simply have have to do what is best for you and your family.

For for now, that is enjoying my time as a familly of three. <3